Living in a high-end condominium often promises more than just square footage and a prime location. For many residents, the appeal lies in the built-in community and the promise of a sophisticated social network right outside their front door. However, as etiquette expert Miss Manners recently highlighted, these vertical neighborhoods can quickly transform into high-stakes social arenas where exclusion becomes a painful reality for those left on the outside of the building’s inner circle.
The modern condominium complex functions much like a small, self-contained village. With shared amenities such as fitness centers, rooftop lounges, and communal gardens, the opportunities for interaction are constant. While these spaces are designed to foster connection, they also provide the perfect backdrop for the formation of cliques. When a specific group of neighbors begins to host private gatherings or exclusive outings within these shared spaces, the atmosphere can shift from welcoming to hostile for those not invited to join the fun.
At the heart of this issue is a fundamental misunderstanding of neighborly etiquette. Miss Manners points out that while no one is strictly required to be friends with everyone in their building, there is a level of decorum expected when living in close quarters. The problem arises when social activity becomes performative. When a group of residents makes their exclusivity known through loud conversations in the lobby about private parties or by snubbing certain neighbors in the hallway, they violate the quiet peace that a home is supposed to provide.
For the excluded resident, the experience can feel like a return to the social anxieties of middle school. It is particularly jarring for adults who have invested significant capital into a luxury residence only to find themselves treated as persona non grata by the people living three doors down. The proximity of the offenders makes the slight impossible to ignore. Unlike a social snub across town, a snub in a condominium happens in the elevator, the mailroom, and the parking garage.
Miss Manners suggests that the best path forward for those feeling left out is to maintain a stance of polite indifference. Reacting with visible hurt or attempting to force one’s way into a closed circle rarely yields positive results. Instead, residents should focus on being exemplary neighbors themselves. This means offering a pleasant greeting in passing, adhering to building rules, and maintaining their own social lives outside the confines of the complex. By refusing to play the game of social hierarchy, an individual retains their dignity and prevents the clique from dictating their happiness.
Conversely, those who find themselves within the building’s popular crowd have a responsibility to be mindful of their surroundings. Hosting a gathering in a common room and explicitly excluding only one or two neighbors who happen to be present is a breach of basic civility. While private friendships are natural, the shared nature of condominium living requires a heightened sense of awareness. True sophistication is not defined by who you manage to exclude, but by how graciously you treat everyone within your immediate community.
Ultimately, the goal of any residential community should be harmony rather than high-society drama. The most successful condominium environments are those where residents acknowledge one another with kindness, even if they do not share a deep personal bond. As urban living continues to move toward these high-density models, the lessons of Miss Manners serve as a necessary reminder that your home should be a sanctuary, not a theater for social exclusion.
